WHY THOSE WHO LEAVE THE CHURCH NEVER COME BACK

Our life is defined by the adversities we overcome. Raised as a Catholic, a devoted one until my college days I too walked away from the church and I am sure that I won't be coming back. We studied Catechism from grade school to high school. I was a regular Sunday worshiper until I got lost a bit during my working years. But it was also then that I started searching for answers and tried to unshackle the guilt that the Catholic teachings bind us with. I sought religion to calm the fears that hounded me since I was a child and during the darkest part of my life, it was not the kind of faith that shaped me for what I am today. The kind of inner peace I feel today, I could not define in terms of  religious doctrines but has guided me through the storms of life I have gone under.

Knowledge is addictive. As you open different  doors of knowledge there is always a voice within you that pushes you to open more doors. Religion binds us to one and when we try to open other doors, we were told that it is a mortal sin. But our mind has limitless boundaries so how could it be wrong to make full use of nature's gift. Television has many programs that espouses different beliefs and I started watching most of them. Then there are a lot of books about philosophy, religion and history, so I started reading them. I haven't quite stop searching and I'll go on as long as I can. The inner peace I've been searching for, I've found, I'm just going through the routine of fine tuning. 

A mere coincidence maybe but my kind of faith was shaped by four men who all walked away from the church. An avid reader since my grade school years, I never missed and even clipped some of Bob Garon's column from the defunct Daily Express newspaper. It was sort of a daily love letter to his wife, in guise of advising other people who too were caught in the travesties of life. Reading his column made me aware of a lot of things,  about friendship. life. happiness and marriage, and especially  one's faith in God. His belief in God never wavered but he broke his vow of celibacy believing that he too can walk the sacred grounds in his own ways. 

My closest friend in high school too was a devout Catholic and we sort of bonded by going to church on Sundays and spending the rest of the day playing pool. He was a great storyteller which I emulated later on, but he was good looking guy with his height and mestiso features that I have to add a bit of slapstick comedy to my stories so I could impress on my audience. We lost contact after our high school days and 30 years later I found an article in the defunct Jeepney Magazine that he was helping abandoned children through primary education guided by his new found faith with his wife. I never got to meet him until now but knowing that he also walked away from a high paying job just to do the so called God's work must have compensated him spiritually in some way. I guess he was one of the first from our batch who made millions in the corporate world but was unable to close his eyes to the shady dealings that accompanies negotiated product sales.

The third one was an uncle, an ex-seminarian, who mentored and taught me how to seek for answers that bepuzzled the mind. Not once did he mentioned the real reason why he left the church and justified his leaving as a mere search for his true self. A shade below 5 feet in height yet I looked up to him as one of the best teachers in life I've had.  Over a couple bottles of beer, we shared  jokes and I guess he was the one who inspired me to view the past through history readings and seek enlightenment by understanding the trivialities that mask life messages. The love for boxing glued our friendship and my only regret was that he never got to see how Manny Pacquiao made himself as one of the sports biggest legend.  He would topped the bottles of beer with crispy pata had he been alive when Manny defeated Oscar Dela Joya.

The fourth one was one of the best friend I've ever had. Also an ex-seminarian, we both worked for the same company in the 1980's. He too did not answer the call for priesthood and decided to get married and have a family.  Our friendship was merely about sharing the fun of our youth and we never got to discuss much about religion. Yet the way he led his life in a way showed me the right road I should travel in my later life. During the darkest days of my life, his and his wife's effort to help me out was way beyond the kind of friendship I imagined.  

I too walked away, not because I don't believe in the teachings of the church but because I wanted to learn why other people took different roads. I have no doubt about the existence of a Supreme Being that created everything out of nothing. The more I get to learn about science, history and culture, philosophy and the like, I could not comprehend why it is wrong to go beyond the teachings of the church. We have inside us a CPU  that can process any information and data fed into it, and our life has been programmed to last a lifetime which we can debug to produce the kind of output we want. Our life like all others will come to an end and the following generation will analyze and try to improve on where we left off.

During the times when I was attending masses and listening to the sermons, we were never encouraged to read the Bible where all those tidbits of  heavenly wisdom came from. Those who doesn't embrace the faith were considered infidels and misguided souls, condemned to suffer in sub-heaven called the Purgatory where we the living have to pray for so they can ascend into the heavens. Those who won't worship Jesus and Virgin Mary  will burn in Hell as well as those who commit mortal sins by failing to attend masses on Sabbath days. The symbolic head of the Catholic Church, the Pope is infallible, guided by the Holy Spirit, and words spoken are dictated from up above.  As I grew older, I just drifted away a bit, especially after seeing the Church interfered with the affairs of the state.

Like the four men I have mentioned above, I don't intend to taint the Church  grew up in, just wanted to see things from different corners.  


Sadyang mahirap na pag-usapan ang relihiyon

Hindi maiiwasan na di magustuhan ang tugon

Kapag itinanong kung sino na ang Panginoon 

Hindi magkakasundo kahit anong henerasyon

Katulad ng ating lahi na namulat na Katoliko

Sinakop ng kastila para daw sa Kristiyanismo

Ang tanging dala'y Biblia isang banal na libro

Ang layunin daw maging banal, mga Pilipino

Unti-unting iminulat sa gawi ng taga kanluran

Aral na katesismo na siyang daan sa kalangitan

Nagtayo mga simbahan at malawak na bakuran

Ginawa tayong alipin, mga lupain ay kinamkam

Siniil ang kalayaan, sinamantala ang kababaihan

Pati bukid ay binuwisan, tayo ay pinagmalupitan

Sino mang sumuway ay ipinipiit, pinarurusahan

At sa mga lumalaban sa simbahan...  kamatayan

350 taon ng kalupitan ... himagsik ay yumabong
Sinimulan ng mga mason nabuo ang rebolusyon
Binalewala ang sermon, pati eks-komunikasyon
Sigaw sa Pugad Lawin digmaan ang ating tugon

Kalayaaang ipinaglaban inagaw sa atin ng Kano
"Freedom",  demokrasya ang kapalit ating ginto
Pakunwaring tinuruan para umunlad at lumago
Habang ninanakaw ang yaman nating nakatago

Sa kabilang dako lumaganap ang ibang relihiyon
Mga dating Katoliko naging Iglesia, iba'y Mason
Mayroong Aglipayan, Baptist, Muslim, Mormon
Magkahati-hati, nagtalo kung sino ang Panginoon

Mga pag-abuso at ang mga kalabisan ng simbahan
Nagsusuri ng Biblia para mabatid ang katotohanan
Ibang mga mangangaral, nasilaw  dulot na kinang
Ginagamit ang relihiyon upang sila'y magpayaman

May ibang nagsusuri  hanap naman ay  karunungan
Mga kasagutan, mga ukol sa Diyos at sa kalangitan
Mga bagay na di nakita sa turo ng pari at simbahan
Tumalikod di para lumaban, nais lang ay katotohanan